Gaining Control During Difficult Times September 2008
The most recent financial crisis created turmoil for many people. Two phone conversations highlighted for us the different ways people react during a crisis and illuminated a strategy that could lead to managing difficult times more successfully. We called two different people employed by the same financial services firm, experiencing the same situation, on the same day. The first person said it was, “the worst day of my life, in the worst week of my life.” He was frightened and uncertain about what would happen next. The second person had a totally different response and told us, “things are bad, but I’m okay. I’ve got some ideas about what I want to do and how to handle all of this.” The contrast between these two responses is remarkable.
What allowed the second individual to stay so calm amid all the week’s stress? Psychologists call it “resilience.” The good news is that all of us can develop the resilience that will allow us to react calmly and thoughtfully in challenging circumstances. However, the two different responses we received identified a specific element that bolsters resilience: a perceived sense of control. The first person had very little sense of control in the crisis; the second had a much greater sense of control.
In Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl noted that a sense of meaning and control in life is essential to survival even in the most inhumane circumstances. Writing about his experiences in a Nazi concentration camp, Frankl observed that some prisoners who otherwise had no control over their daily existence found a sense of control in choosing their attitude toward all that was happening to them. Those who gained some sense of personal effectiveness through this choice of attitude were more likely to survive the death camp.
Can a sense of control be developed? Yes. Three strategies offered by Thompson and Weirson are summarized in the Handbook of Positive Psychology. First, making progress toward goals is an important source of perceived control. Often, during a crisis, there seems to be little movement toward important goals. Identifying attainable alternative goals will help maintain a sense of control during these times. You move toward the original goal you set, but more slowly. And you gain a sense of control by continuing to attain goals. For example, if your business is tenuous because of the financial markets, you might set the goal of calling your best clients just to see how they’re doing. You provide a sense of control while performing an action; achieving a goal that can still help your business.
Second, identifying and cultivating areas of personal control is an effective way to maintain an overall sense of control. For some, predictability enhances a sense of control, so information becomes important. For example, if you have a chronic illness, you gain control by participating in your healthcare by finding out about courses of treatment, diet and exercise. For others, the sense of control comes from monitoring and maintaining a positive attitude even in the midst of the turmoil. The key to this second strategy is realizing that any sense of control, even in very personal parts of your life, will help create an overall sense of control. So even choosing to do something nice for yourself in the midst of the challenge can mitigate your sense of powerlessness and provide a sense of control.
Finally, there’s a strategy of cultivating the ability to accept life circumstances as they are, instead of working to change them. This is what we mean by “acceptance,” which is not the same thing as “resignation.” Recognizing what you can and cannot control is the key. You’ll save yourself a lot of headaches if you only try to control what’s truly within your control. This strategy also opens you to the possibility of realizing other opportunities. Recently, a friend of ours was downsized out of her job. When we offered our support she replied, “I’m glad it happened. I realized I never would have left. Now I can pursue what I want.” This is a great example of acceptance.
Let’s face it. There will always be difficult times. How will we react? By developing our sense of control we foster resilience. We will be better able to make effective decisions, move forward and thrive. For some of us, greatness will manifest itself during difficult times, but we need a sense of control and resilience to rise above the fray.
The Greatness ProjectTM is researched and written by:
Scott Asalone & Jan Sparrow
Copyright © ASGMC, Inc. 2008
*For more information on resilience, check out Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte, The Resilience Factor, New York: Broadway Books, 2002.